Sometimes its better to just write it down.

I am speechless!  Ok, so I guess Im not or I wouldn't be talking on the blog.  But the outspokenness of others in their attempt to receive sympothy or whatever it is I simply just don't understand.  And at the stake of hurting someone?  Ok, so I guess this happens everyday and maybe it happens to everyone and I am just not aware of it.  But, I experience it ALL THE TIME from people surrounding me.  So there comes a time you either have to take a deep look into yourself and ask yourself, are you doing something to create this?  Or do I just blow that part off and call the others crazy?  So I have decided to put it on paper and think it over a bit.
I am 44.  I am somewhat smart, I am a caring person and I deeply care for others (maybe just a little too much).  I wake up every morning and think to myself; today is a new day.  What can I do today that will help others?  Can I help Jim?  Can I help my son?  What can I teach my son today that will help him survive if I am not here tomorrow?  Can I help my brother somehow?  I process things ALL THE TIME in my brain.  Its constantly computing things that have been taken in over the previous day even the previous years.  NEVER do I get to the, what can I do today for myself?  Ok so I know here inlies some issues.  I exhaust myself in helping others that I break down my own body.  There is no massages for me, no getting nails done or even getting my hair fixed.  So, is it safe to say that I am more of an empathathic person rather than a selfish one?  It is very RARE for me to ask anyone for ANYTHING at all.  And when I do, I feel guilty.  I haven't learned to say NO very well.  I tried it, and even though it feels good sometimes there is always a price to pay with NO.  I cannot stand grumbling and pouting faces by others.  I absolutely have seen DEPRESSION way too much in life, not to mention in the mirror itself.
Now, I read WAY TO FAR into things.  I have always been this way.  Some people say that I am very DEEP.  Well as opposed to being shallow in thinking, I would rather take the deep.  Although sometimes it is very exhausting.  If a 21 year old girl sends a letter to a 44 year old man (that she claims she adores and thinks so much of).... that  states, "I f*in hate your girlfriend".  And stuff like I wrote poems about you and everything and you sent me an email getting onto me and I am F*in old enough to know my on my own!  (BLAH BLAH BLAH)  Well, most people look at that and say..."Oh, thats an outburst!  Shes probably a girl who comes from a smothering family and who has been spoiled her intire life!"  True yet I read too far into it.  I look at from the prespective of, what the heck?  Why on earth would she put those words together in one sentence?  Why does she blasphemy his love and then turn around and try to put a guilt trip on him?  What would this purpose satisfy for her?  Furthermore, the fact she says, she never liked me from the first time she met me makes me wonder what makes a person "not like you from first view"?  I have always been told its either: fear, intimidation or jealousy/envy.  I guess it could be that your forehead is large or something of that nature but most of the time it is one of those three.  Fear is simply put, unknown.  Seeing something the first time that you are not used to being around (ie not the norm).  Intimidation is seeing someones character and bringing your selfconsious issues to the forefront.  Your feeling like they can see right through you and see the things you don't feel confident about.  And envy is a terrible poison.  Envy is wanting what that other person has immediately and not having a clue-in yet of how to get it.  Envy creates unhappiness and lack of awareness of those fortunes you already have around you.
Am I the ONLY person that sees peoples reaction to these three things?  Do they have a clue how stupid they look with the OVER REACTION to these things?  Listen, everybody has fear, intimidation and envy.  As soon as you hear somebody say they don't, then look at them really good because that person might just be a master manipulator.  They are trying to manipulate you in believing something that is not true with a master plan of covering up what would actually be a normal thing but a manipulator hates rejection of who they really are so they usually make a fake/pretend person up and become them and never end up knowing who they are until they are old and have nothing left.  Whew that was a mouth full but so true.
Ok so why did I bring all this up?  Well, its the only possible explanation I have for what has happened recently and what has happened periodically my entire life. 
I guess I have the amazing ability to F*k some sh*t up even without trying and even without saying a word to anyone.  EVEN thousands of miles away.  Wow, I am the Sh*t.  K enough profanity but really, this is really weird.  So, I post on facebook that I would like to plan a Vegas trip.  We have been talking about it for over a year now.  Well, this 21 year old cousin of Jims had her birthday party there a couple weeks ago.  So, she sees my post and thinks because we didn't come there to her party that I must be putting this on my facebook strictly out of spite to her.  REALLY?  Ok, my mind moves at a great speed to take in and process things but HER BIRTHDAY, HER NAME was not AT ALL in my brain nor any blink of a thought into it.  So, lets stop for a minute here.  What would that be on her part?  Fear?  Probably not because she slapped that sh*t on my page FAST buddy.  Intimidation?  You bet your shiney hiney as well as Envy.  You ATTACK what your intimidated by.  Envy that we are going to Vegas and its not going to be because of her birthday.  And now we can dissect it and clearly see that it goes back to "all about her" and it had nothing to do with me at all.  She was arguing with herself basically.  So, with all of this processing; where do I go from here?
Well, this argument progresses to Jim getting involved by sending her a note saying he doesnt appreciate the public forum of her outburst.  Then her mother comes on and puts a public outburst.  Then Jim gets on puter again and sends her a message saying to stop and then it just gets deeper and deeper into a bunch of bullshit.  Now, meanwhile, I delete these people off my facebook.  I absolutely say NOTHING to them even though I WANTED to put my two cents in I did not because they are Jims family, NOT MINE.  The end result you might ask?  Really want to know?
Ok, here goes:  The end result is I am called his ex-wife times ten and that I am one of the WORST people alive and that I ATTACKED a 21 year old on facebook and then ATTACKED her poor unstable mother.  I am a DRAMA queen and mess the entire family up.  Really?  Without saying ANYTHING?  WOW, incredible!
And here is where I hit the delete button and just pretend I NEVER met these people EVER.  If you can figure out this mess, please comment back.  Oh and forgot to mention my processing of this stuff....well I take it in, look at it, receive the hurt, kick it around a bit, then throw it out.  I wish I could be one of those to look at it, throw it out.
Lesson here to learn:  Be careful of fear, intimidation, envy and how you react to this in public view.  Don't cover up your own self confident issues by hurting others around you.  You might just get what you ask for and Karma tends to come back around sooner or later.

I will leave this blog with a new saying:  I trust less people today than I did yesterday.  I wonder what tomorrow will bring.  I pray for peace and hope for happiness~ Love is all~

Would you be rude to an Angel?

Would you be rude to an Angel?  I would not even think of such if I knew they were an Angel.  But what if we were not meant to learn of this just yet?  What if that sensitive yet defensive person you like to make fun of is an Angel sent to protect someone?  Do I have your attention?    I absolutely hope so...

Michael (Archangel)

First, lets read the scripture:

Daniel 12:1-3 (New International Version, ©2010)

Daniel 12

The End Times

 ¹ “At that time Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise. There will be a time of distress such as has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. ² Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt. ³ Those who are wise^[a] will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.

 

We know what was written in the beginning and we have learned what to expect at the end.  But what about the time in between?  We know we live among the good, the lost and the evil.  But there are simply those we sometimes like and sometimes dislike, but we don't understand which category they fall under really.  Maybe our misunderstanding of them should be looked at from a different view.  What if, these people that are misunderstood by many are Angels sent to watch over us?  Would you still look at them and snarl your nose, or would you see them in a different light if you will?  Would you respect them and let them do their work they were sent to do?

 

The written truth gets distorted over time.  We all know this.  We have seen it happen.  What was written 2,000 years ago was written according to the language of understanding at that particular time.  Well, as time passes our language of understanding changes.  Hence today we have a new version of the dictionary thats added new vocabulary to our language of understanding.  So, with that said, we need to read the words according to the language written at that time.  So many people take the words written then, language of understanding today, and BAM now we get all the different views and interpretations. (BAM is no where in the Bible that I know of, just saying...today's language)

 

I am not an Angel expert nor have I researched further than Bible versus and stories regarding Angels.  However, I have certain ideas, certain feelings inside that tell me there is a MUCH bigger picture here than what we choose to look at.  We today, believe that our family who passes on, becomes a new angel for us.  This is the typical belief.  Although, there is no way of knowing and certainly some of them who have passed on may indeed be angels, I feel as though they are simply sitting right next to us in a different dimension.  Our loved ones whom are believers in Christ will help guide us along the way during our time left here.  Are they Angels?  I don't know.  Maybe so.  But I still believe there are Angels walking among us everyday.  I truly believe that there are protectors.  I feel as though we have these angels next to us guiding us in different directions.  Helping us make the right decisions.  And some are defenders.  They may seem very defensive to you when talking to them.  These sensitive angels have a purpose and can feel others pain and grief and have a deep heart.  Its no wonder they must protect themselves so that they can protect the people they are sent here to protect.  They are our rocks, our stern ground and help us feel safe in a world of utter chaos and inmorals. 

 

 

Im not suggesting we bow to these individuals.  Im simply suggesting we look at eachother from a different prospective other than about ourselves.  We are told to worship one God, and he is a very jealous God.  I think most of us get that if we are believers in the words written.  I don't influence easily nor do I try to influence others on their beliefs.  I believe if we are not brought here by evil, then we know what it is our hearts to be the truth.  The lives we live today are very trivial.  So and so this, and so and so that.  Much like the times before the great flood.  Let us all think about this...  It is TIME to deliver whats truly in our hearts.  I had a family member tell me today that she was scared to post something based on her beliefs because others might not like it.  If there is a lingering from deep within your soul telling you to speak, you better believe it is time to speak.  Just as I feel now.

 

I will not let that person whom I don't understand very well crowd my every thought anymore.  I will look at them as a defender of someone else.  They may just be passing by me and soley here for someone else.  I should not stand in this persons way of what they are here to do.  At the same time I must say, I will defend what I am meant to defend as well.  I will no longer try to change me to adjust to someone elses liking.  If for some reason they think Im a little to defensive or maybe just a little bit sensitive, then that is the way my maker intends for me to be.  I have a big heart and my thoughts linger very deep.  I am told I have an old soul.  I have a purpose and meaning like everyone else.  I am here to defend many as I reach my arms over multiple people to protect them.