A friend speaks often to "Love Everything"! This advice was very hard for me to understand at first. Not that I consume myself with hate or negativity; but how can one love evil and evil doers? I finally understand my friend's wisdom.
To understand this, you must first get out of YOURSELF! That's right, you have to look at reality for what it is. Get out of your "dream world" for one second and put all your money, new cars, houses and issues aside. We are but a spec in this Universe. Earth, a planet among many others. Our Galaxy is one of infinite galaxies. We get so caught up in everyday life, we tend to forget this.
In this world, there is good and evil. No matter how good you think you are, somewhere beneath you evil is there. Some can control this better than others. How we control this is with our minds and our hearts. Our mind tells us "wrong doing" by the reaction we get from others when they are hurt. If good is winning over evil inside of you, you will learn from this and will figure the proper use of your ability to communicate to theirs by using your heart aka empathy. If you prefer to hurt others, you will choose the evil approach and say hurtful things to get a more "hurt/pain" reaction. If evil is winning over good in you, then you feel better when you hurt others. That part is really quite simple. You make the choice!
A spec who believes in a power greater than yourself, will choose good over evil. This person will likely try to help someone else today before helping themselves. A spec who is self centered believes the Universe owes them everything and in turn will use their evilness to get what they want and feel it is deserved. They help themselves only, suck help from others and will try to manipulate anything that gets in their way simply to get the reaction they need, no matter the cost.
This good and evil consumes us! We get involved in this battle so deeply that our spec brain forgets why we are here! When was the last time you watched the sunrise? What about noticing the colors in the sky when the sun is setting? Did your plant bloom a new flower or fruit today? Did you notice your child said thank you and I love you today? These are the gifts we forget to receive. Or maybe we are so busy with our spec brain lives because we think our jobs and money are so much more important than our gifts.
What about Nature and other Animals? There is a purpose and meaning for EVERYTHING. Even flies have a purpose even though they cause US great annoyance. How arrogant we are to think we deserve everything of this planet. I mean really.... Patricia, you are right! We should love everything!! If you give respect, you will get respect in return. Every spec has a purpose and meaning.
I challenge every one of you in 2012 to figure out what your purpose and meaning is. Some of you have been trying to figure this out for years. Your trying to measure it by your success in external things. Your purpose and meaning cannot be to make money and buy things. If you struggle to figure this out, then take my advice...simply put, help someone else with their purpose and meaning. If you see a quality they don't see in their selves and you know it would help others, help them find that about themselves. When you help someone else find theirs, just maybe you will find yours in the process. What do you have to lose?
We are but a spec anyway~ LOVE EVERYTHING
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sometimes its better to just write it down.
I am speechless! Ok, so I guess Im not or I wouldn't be talking on the blog. But the outspokenness of others in their attempt to receive sympothy or whatever it is I simply just don't understand. And at the stake of hurting someone? Ok, so I guess this happens everyday and maybe it happens to everyone and I am just not aware of it. But, I experience it ALL THE TIME from people surrounding me. So there comes a time you either have to take a deep look into yourself and ask yourself, are you doing something to create this? Or do I just blow that part off and call the others crazy? So I have decided to put it on paper and think it over a bit.
I am 44. I am somewhat smart, I am a caring person and I deeply care for others (maybe just a little too much). I wake up every morning and think to myself; today is a new day. What can I do today that will help others? Can I help Jim? Can I help my son? What can I teach my son today that will help him survive if I am not here tomorrow? Can I help my brother somehow? I process things ALL THE TIME in my brain. Its constantly computing things that have been taken in over the previous day even the previous years. NEVER do I get to the, what can I do today for myself? Ok so I know here inlies some issues. I exhaust myself in helping others that I break down my own body. There is no massages for me, no getting nails done or even getting my hair fixed. So, is it safe to say that I am more of an empathathic person rather than a selfish one? It is very RARE for me to ask anyone for ANYTHING at all. And when I do, I feel guilty. I haven't learned to say NO very well. I tried it, and even though it feels good sometimes there is always a price to pay with NO. I cannot stand grumbling and pouting faces by others. I absolutely have seen DEPRESSION way too much in life, not to mention in the mirror itself.
Now, I read WAY TO FAR into things. I have always been this way. Some people say that I am very DEEP. Well as opposed to being shallow in thinking, I would rather take the deep. Although sometimes it is very exhausting. If a 21 year old girl sends a letter to a 44 year old man (that she claims she adores and thinks so much of).... that states, "I f*in hate your girlfriend". And stuff like I wrote poems about you and everything and you sent me an email getting onto me and I am F*in old enough to know my on my own! (BLAH BLAH BLAH) Well, most people look at that and say..."Oh, thats an outburst! Shes probably a girl who comes from a smothering family and who has been spoiled her intire life!" True yet I read too far into it. I look at from the prespective of, what the heck? Why on earth would she put those words together in one sentence? Why does she blasphemy his love and then turn around and try to put a guilt trip on him? What would this purpose satisfy for her? Furthermore, the fact she says, she never liked me from the first time she met me makes me wonder what makes a person "not like you from first view"? I have always been told its either: fear, intimidation or jealousy/envy. I guess it could be that your forehead is large or something of that nature but most of the time it is one of those three. Fear is simply put, unknown. Seeing something the first time that you are not used to being around (ie not the norm). Intimidation is seeing someones character and bringing your selfconsious issues to the forefront. Your feeling like they can see right through you and see the things you don't feel confident about. And envy is a terrible poison. Envy is wanting what that other person has immediately and not having a clue-in yet of how to get it. Envy creates unhappiness and lack of awareness of those fortunes you already have around you.
Am I the ONLY person that sees peoples reaction to these three things? Do they have a clue how stupid they look with the OVER REACTION to these things? Listen, everybody has fear, intimidation and envy. As soon as you hear somebody say they don't, then look at them really good because that person might just be a master manipulator. They are trying to manipulate you in believing something that is not true with a master plan of covering up what would actually be a normal thing but a manipulator hates rejection of who they really are so they usually make a fake/pretend person up and become them and never end up knowing who they are until they are old and have nothing left. Whew that was a mouth full but so true.
Ok so why did I bring all this up? Well, its the only possible explanation I have for what has happened recently and what has happened periodically my entire life.
I guess I have the amazing ability to F*k some sh*t up even without trying and even without saying a word to anyone. EVEN thousands of miles away. Wow, I am the Sh*t. K enough profanity but really, this is really weird. So, I post on facebook that I would like to plan a Vegas trip. We have been talking about it for over a year now. Well, this 21 year old cousin of Jims had her birthday party there a couple weeks ago. So, she sees my post and thinks because we didn't come there to her party that I must be putting this on my facebook strictly out of spite to her. REALLY? Ok, my mind moves at a great speed to take in and process things but HER BIRTHDAY, HER NAME was not AT ALL in my brain nor any blink of a thought into it. So, lets stop for a minute here. What would that be on her part? Fear? Probably not because she slapped that sh*t on my page FAST buddy. Intimidation? You bet your shiney hiney as well as Envy. You ATTACK what your intimidated by. Envy that we are going to Vegas and its not going to be because of her birthday. And now we can dissect it and clearly see that it goes back to "all about her" and it had nothing to do with me at all. She was arguing with herself basically. So, with all of this processing; where do I go from here?
Well, this argument progresses to Jim getting involved by sending her a note saying he doesnt appreciate the public forum of her outburst. Then her mother comes on and puts a public outburst. Then Jim gets on puter again and sends her a message saying to stop and then it just gets deeper and deeper into a bunch of bullshit. Now, meanwhile, I delete these people off my facebook. I absolutely say NOTHING to them even though I WANTED to put my two cents in I did not because they are Jims family, NOT MINE. The end result you might ask? Really want to know?
Ok, here goes: The end result is I am called his ex-wife times ten and that I am one of the WORST people alive and that I ATTACKED a 21 year old on facebook and then ATTACKED her poor unstable mother. I am a DRAMA queen and mess the entire family up. Really? Without saying ANYTHING? WOW, incredible!
And here is where I hit the delete button and just pretend I NEVER met these people EVER. If you can figure out this mess, please comment back. Oh and forgot to mention my processing of this stuff....well I take it in, look at it, receive the hurt, kick it around a bit, then throw it out. I wish I could be one of those to look at it, throw it out.
Lesson here to learn: Be careful of fear, intimidation, envy and how you react to this in public view. Don't cover up your own self confident issues by hurting others around you. You might just get what you ask for and Karma tends to come back around sooner or later.
I will leave this blog with a new saying: I trust less people today than I did yesterday. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I pray for peace and hope for happiness~ Love is all~
I am 44. I am somewhat smart, I am a caring person and I deeply care for others (maybe just a little too much). I wake up every morning and think to myself; today is a new day. What can I do today that will help others? Can I help Jim? Can I help my son? What can I teach my son today that will help him survive if I am not here tomorrow? Can I help my brother somehow? I process things ALL THE TIME in my brain. Its constantly computing things that have been taken in over the previous day even the previous years. NEVER do I get to the, what can I do today for myself? Ok so I know here inlies some issues. I exhaust myself in helping others that I break down my own body. There is no massages for me, no getting nails done or even getting my hair fixed. So, is it safe to say that I am more of an empathathic person rather than a selfish one? It is very RARE for me to ask anyone for ANYTHING at all. And when I do, I feel guilty. I haven't learned to say NO very well. I tried it, and even though it feels good sometimes there is always a price to pay with NO. I cannot stand grumbling and pouting faces by others. I absolutely have seen DEPRESSION way too much in life, not to mention in the mirror itself.
Now, I read WAY TO FAR into things. I have always been this way. Some people say that I am very DEEP. Well as opposed to being shallow in thinking, I would rather take the deep. Although sometimes it is very exhausting. If a 21 year old girl sends a letter to a 44 year old man (that she claims she adores and thinks so much of).... that states, "I f*in hate your girlfriend". And stuff like I wrote poems about you and everything and you sent me an email getting onto me and I am F*in old enough to know my on my own! (BLAH BLAH BLAH) Well, most people look at that and say..."Oh, thats an outburst! Shes probably a girl who comes from a smothering family and who has been spoiled her intire life!" True yet I read too far into it. I look at from the prespective of, what the heck? Why on earth would she put those words together in one sentence? Why does she blasphemy his love and then turn around and try to put a guilt trip on him? What would this purpose satisfy for her? Furthermore, the fact she says, she never liked me from the first time she met me makes me wonder what makes a person "not like you from first view"? I have always been told its either: fear, intimidation or jealousy/envy. I guess it could be that your forehead is large or something of that nature but most of the time it is one of those three. Fear is simply put, unknown. Seeing something the first time that you are not used to being around (ie not the norm). Intimidation is seeing someones character and bringing your selfconsious issues to the forefront. Your feeling like they can see right through you and see the things you don't feel confident about. And envy is a terrible poison. Envy is wanting what that other person has immediately and not having a clue-in yet of how to get it. Envy creates unhappiness and lack of awareness of those fortunes you already have around you.
Am I the ONLY person that sees peoples reaction to these three things? Do they have a clue how stupid they look with the OVER REACTION to these things? Listen, everybody has fear, intimidation and envy. As soon as you hear somebody say they don't, then look at them really good because that person might just be a master manipulator. They are trying to manipulate you in believing something that is not true with a master plan of covering up what would actually be a normal thing but a manipulator hates rejection of who they really are so they usually make a fake/pretend person up and become them and never end up knowing who they are until they are old and have nothing left. Whew that was a mouth full but so true.
Ok so why did I bring all this up? Well, its the only possible explanation I have for what has happened recently and what has happened periodically my entire life.
I guess I have the amazing ability to F*k some sh*t up even without trying and even without saying a word to anyone. EVEN thousands of miles away. Wow, I am the Sh*t. K enough profanity but really, this is really weird. So, I post on facebook that I would like to plan a Vegas trip. We have been talking about it for over a year now. Well, this 21 year old cousin of Jims had her birthday party there a couple weeks ago. So, she sees my post and thinks because we didn't come there to her party that I must be putting this on my facebook strictly out of spite to her. REALLY? Ok, my mind moves at a great speed to take in and process things but HER BIRTHDAY, HER NAME was not AT ALL in my brain nor any blink of a thought into it. So, lets stop for a minute here. What would that be on her part? Fear? Probably not because she slapped that sh*t on my page FAST buddy. Intimidation? You bet your shiney hiney as well as Envy. You ATTACK what your intimidated by. Envy that we are going to Vegas and its not going to be because of her birthday. And now we can dissect it and clearly see that it goes back to "all about her" and it had nothing to do with me at all. She was arguing with herself basically. So, with all of this processing; where do I go from here?
Well, this argument progresses to Jim getting involved by sending her a note saying he doesnt appreciate the public forum of her outburst. Then her mother comes on and puts a public outburst. Then Jim gets on puter again and sends her a message saying to stop and then it just gets deeper and deeper into a bunch of bullshit. Now, meanwhile, I delete these people off my facebook. I absolutely say NOTHING to them even though I WANTED to put my two cents in I did not because they are Jims family, NOT MINE. The end result you might ask? Really want to know?
Ok, here goes: The end result is I am called his ex-wife times ten and that I am one of the WORST people alive and that I ATTACKED a 21 year old on facebook and then ATTACKED her poor unstable mother. I am a DRAMA queen and mess the entire family up. Really? Without saying ANYTHING? WOW, incredible!
And here is where I hit the delete button and just pretend I NEVER met these people EVER. If you can figure out this mess, please comment back. Oh and forgot to mention my processing of this stuff....well I take it in, look at it, receive the hurt, kick it around a bit, then throw it out. I wish I could be one of those to look at it, throw it out.
Lesson here to learn: Be careful of fear, intimidation, envy and how you react to this in public view. Don't cover up your own self confident issues by hurting others around you. You might just get what you ask for and Karma tends to come back around sooner or later.
I will leave this blog with a new saying: I trust less people today than I did yesterday. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I pray for peace and hope for happiness~ Love is all~
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Would you be rude to an Angel?
Would you be rude to an Angel? I would not even think of such if I knew they were an Angel. But what if we were not meant to learn of this just yet? What if that sensitive yet defensive person you like to make fun of is an Angel sent to protect someone? Do I have your attention? I absolutely hope so...
Michael (Archangel)Daniel 12:1-3 (New International Version, ©2010)
Daniel 12
The End Times
1 “At that time Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise. There will be a time of distress such as has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. 2 Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt. 3 Those who are wise[a] will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.We know what was written in the beginning and we have learned what to expect at the end. But what about the time in between? We know we live among the good, the lost and the evil. But there are simply those we sometimes like and sometimes dislike, but we don't understand which category they fall under really. Maybe our misunderstanding of them should be looked at from a different view. What if, these people that are misunderstood by many are Angels sent to watch over us? Would you still look at them and snarl your nose, or would you see them in a different light if you will? Would you respect them and let them do their work they were sent to do?
The written truth gets distorted over time. We all know this. We have seen it happen. What was written 2,000 years ago was written according to the language of understanding at that particular time. Well, as time passes our language of understanding changes. Hence today we have a new version of the dictionary thats added new vocabulary to our language of understanding. So, with that said, we need to read the words according to the language written at that time. So many people take the words written then, language of understanding today, and BAM now we get all the different views and interpretations. (BAM is no where in the Bible that I know of, just saying...today's language)
I am not an Angel expert nor have I researched further than Bible versus and stories regarding Angels. However, I have certain ideas, certain feelings inside that tell me there is a MUCH bigger picture here than what we choose to look at. We today, believe that our family who passes on, becomes a new angel for us. This is the typical belief. Although, there is no way of knowing and certainly some of them who have passed on may indeed be angels, I feel as though they are simply sitting right next to us in a different dimension. Our loved ones whom are believers in Christ will help guide us along the way during our time left here. Are they Angels? I don't know. Maybe so. But I still believe there are Angels walking among us everyday. I truly believe that there are protectors. I feel as though we have these angels next to us guiding us in different directions. Helping us make the right decisions. And some are defenders. They may seem very defensive to you when talking to them. These sensitive angels have a purpose and can feel others pain and grief and have a deep heart. Its no wonder they must protect themselves so that they can protect the people they are sent here to protect. They are our rocks, our stern ground and help us feel safe in a world of utter chaos and inmorals.
Im not suggesting we bow to these individuals. Im simply suggesting we look at eachother from a different prospective other than about ourselves. We are told to worship one God, and he is a very jealous God. I think most of us get that if we are believers in the words written. I don't influence easily nor do I try to influence others on their beliefs. I believe if we are not brought here by evil, then we know what it is our hearts to be the truth. The lives we live today are very trivial. So and so this, and so and so that. Much like the times before the great flood. Let us all think about this... It is TIME to deliver whats truly in our hearts. I had a family member tell me today that she was scared to post something based on her beliefs because others might not like it. If there is a lingering from deep within your soul telling you to speak, you better believe it is time to speak. Just as I feel now.
I will not let that person whom I don't understand very well crowd my every thought anymore. I will look at them as a defender of someone else. They may just be passing by me and soley here for someone else. I should not stand in this persons way of what they are here to do. At the same time I must say, I will defend what I am meant to defend as well. I will no longer try to change me to adjust to someone elses liking. If for some reason they think Im a little to defensive or maybe just a little bit sensitive, then that is the way my maker intends for me to be. I have a big heart and my thoughts linger very deep. I am told I have an old soul. I have a purpose and meaning like everyone else. I am here to defend many as I reach my arms over multiple people to protect them.
Friday, December 31, 2010
IF STOP SMOKING IS YOUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, PLEASE READ!
I HAVE BEEN A SMOKER OFF AND ON FOR 30 YEARS..QUIT SEVERAL TIMES WITH LAST BEING 4 MONTHS AGO....I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOME IMPORTANT FINDINGS WITH YOU THAT I HAVE LEARNED RECENTLY.
First let me say, if you are finally ready to stop this nasty habit then I must congratulate YOU. That feeling of WANTING to quit deserves some recognition. Doing the quitting part is a little bit more complicated. I want to share my story with you so that you don't set yourself up for failure as doing this for a New Years resolution. It is not just a turn on turn off habit. There is a lot more to it than that and the crazy thing is our doctors don't even tell us about it. Listen up.
(NOTE: IF YOU ARE A NONSMOKER AND READING THIS BLOG, MY ADVICE TO YOU IS NEVER START)
I started smoking at the age of 15. I am currently 44 years of age and female. I quit the first time when I was 21 and was able to quit cold turkey without any issues really with my metabolism. I started again for a short time when I was 27 after a divorce. I remarried and got pregnant when I was 28. I quit smoking while I was pregnant. Funny thing is, my husband at the time brought me a pack of cigarettes while I was still in the hospital recovering from birthing a beautiful son. After going through labor without any meds for 24+ hours I have to say that a pack of cigarettes was a relief to say the least. Not thinking about the future effect smoking was going to have on me, I left the hospital starting this habit all over again. I continued smoking awhile and decided to quit. Now well over 30, as soon as I would quit, I would gain weight. The theory of the weight gain when you stop smoking is that most replace this habit for a food/snack habit. Although some of that is true, those extra few calories should not be adding the amount of weight I was gaining. Especially being as active as I was. So, to fix this issue I would start smoking again and then start to lose weight. WHAT A VICIOUS CYCLE THIS IS! OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN. I would get sick with bronchitis then quit, gain weight. That happened this last time at the first of September. I went to the doctor and she gave me an antibiotic for the bronchitis. Well, I had to go back in a week because I wasn't better. This doctor I saw was still in her 20's and looked at me and said these words. "Are you still smoking?" I said, "yes I am still smoking". She said, "What is it that you want ME to do for you?" I said, "huh?" She said, "There is not a pill I can prescribe to get rid of bronchitis for a smoker. I have killed the infection, now the only way to get rid of this cough is to stop smoking." WOW, did I feel STUPID. I am twice her age and well, I should have known that. In fact, somewhere back there in that fogged out brain I did know that answer. I just didn't want to admit to it. I left that doctors office in deep thought and decided, OK I'm not putting another cigarette back into my mouth. To follow is what happened to me after I made this decision.
1) I quit "cold turkey" as its called.
2) I immediately show signs of withdrawals from the nicotine.
3) I start to become EMOTIONAL as I have in the past. Crying all the time.
4) I start to gain weight at a rapid pace.
5) Depression sets in, fatigue. I have NO energy.
6) After a month, my lungs feel great but my body feels like crap.
7) Two months, I don't have any cough or wheezing to speak of and don't need my inhaler. I can't get up out of bed without feeling like my bones are breaking. My mind is toast. I can't think straight and I cry all the time and I start to notice everyone is out to get me. I take everything to heart and become very sensitive to emotions, light, hearing, smelling. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have restless leg syndrome keeping me up and my nerves are shot. I hold my breath from anxiety. My muscles tense up and cause horrible back pain. I have severe twitching and think that I have MS. I can't sleep, breathe right, my blood pressure is out of whack, I can't work, I can't function, everyone wants to know whats wrong with me. I feel lost, alone. I felt like I was worth nothing. I was fighting with my family and wondered why everyone was picking on me and just left me here in this place of doom.
All of this continued until a friend of mine asked me to come 2 hours a way and see her doctor. So I did. This doctor was an endocrinologist. He ran some blood test on me. First, they checked my sugar and my cholesterol levels. My sugar was fine but my cholesterol was off the charts. They tell me that this could be a sign of thyroid issues. But, my thyroid has always checked out normal when my doctor has measured it. Turns out, your primary only checks your TSH levels and does not normally do a full thyroid panel. This is where it gets a little bit complicated so please read carefully.
Your TSH level is checked to see if your thyroid is functioning. Mine was in normal range. But to look to see if your thyroid HORMONE LEVEL is normal, you must read a full panel which includes your T3 and T4 hormones. Your T3 hormone is your ENERGY hormone. If this number is low then your endocrine system is not functioning as a whole properly. It could be your adrenal gland, your pituitary gland or it could be that you have removed something from your metabolic system that helps convert your T4 into your T3 energy hormone. This is what happened to me. My T3 was low BUT still in primary doctor normal range. This T3 level was 113. An endocrinologist treats any T3 level under 150 as hypothyroidism. Are you following me on this? The endo's, primaries, labs the entire medical industry does not have a definitive measure or reading if you will on this subject. They do not agree with one another's findings. I am not here to devise a new measure for your thyroid nor am I qualified to do so. But what I will tell you is this...Once I started taking the thyroid hormone replacement (Synthroid) my symptoms started to diminish. I can now scratch off most of the symptoms above, but sadly not all of them.
TO SUM THIS UP.
After smoking for some years the nicotine becomes part of your metabolic makeup. Your body starts to use the nicotine to help the metabolic process. So where nicotine helps is in the converting of your T4 into your T3. OUCH! Ok, so now we have a reason for the weight gain and feeling fatigued. What about the emotional side of it? Sadly, I don't have an answer to that. My hormones checked out normal. So the crying has not stopped until Christmas Day. I got a pack of cigarettes because I was entirely too emotional and stressed. I stopped crying. I made it 4 months without smoking but I didn't feel myself again until I started smoking again. I HATE SMOKING!
HOW TO STOP SMOKING..
1) If you quit cold turkey, continue taking nicotine replacements and then taper off slowly. (I wish I would have done this so that my metabolism wouldn't have taken such a blow.)
2) You might possibly need an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication to help.
3) A month or so after you quit, have a full thyroid panel done to check your levels. This will save you from battling the weight gain like I did.
4) Buddy up with your partner and do it together. I quit but my man continued and this was torture to say the least.
5) Don't set yourself up for failure on this. I WILL succeed on this just not in the way I thought. Will power IS the decision to stop. Remember, it is a habit.
6) COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY. We have to retrain our way of thinking. I associate smoking with RELAXING. This is BAD. Cause when you remove that without any therapy, how are you to learn a new way to relax.
LASTLY - Good luck to all of you and if you figure HOW TO STOP THE CRYING, please send me an email.
TOGETHER ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
First let me say, if you are finally ready to stop this nasty habit then I must congratulate YOU. That feeling of WANTING to quit deserves some recognition. Doing the quitting part is a little bit more complicated. I want to share my story with you so that you don't set yourself up for failure as doing this for a New Years resolution. It is not just a turn on turn off habit. There is a lot more to it than that and the crazy thing is our doctors don't even tell us about it. Listen up.
(NOTE: IF YOU ARE A NONSMOKER AND READING THIS BLOG, MY ADVICE TO YOU IS NEVER START)
I started smoking at the age of 15. I am currently 44 years of age and female. I quit the first time when I was 21 and was able to quit cold turkey without any issues really with my metabolism. I started again for a short time when I was 27 after a divorce. I remarried and got pregnant when I was 28. I quit smoking while I was pregnant. Funny thing is, my husband at the time brought me a pack of cigarettes while I was still in the hospital recovering from birthing a beautiful son. After going through labor without any meds for 24+ hours I have to say that a pack of cigarettes was a relief to say the least. Not thinking about the future effect smoking was going to have on me, I left the hospital starting this habit all over again. I continued smoking awhile and decided to quit. Now well over 30, as soon as I would quit, I would gain weight. The theory of the weight gain when you stop smoking is that most replace this habit for a food/snack habit. Although some of that is true, those extra few calories should not be adding the amount of weight I was gaining. Especially being as active as I was. So, to fix this issue I would start smoking again and then start to lose weight. WHAT A VICIOUS CYCLE THIS IS! OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN. I would get sick with bronchitis then quit, gain weight. That happened this last time at the first of September. I went to the doctor and she gave me an antibiotic for the bronchitis. Well, I had to go back in a week because I wasn't better. This doctor I saw was still in her 20's and looked at me and said these words. "Are you still smoking?" I said, "yes I am still smoking". She said, "What is it that you want ME to do for you?" I said, "huh?" She said, "There is not a pill I can prescribe to get rid of bronchitis for a smoker. I have killed the infection, now the only way to get rid of this cough is to stop smoking." WOW, did I feel STUPID. I am twice her age and well, I should have known that. In fact, somewhere back there in that fogged out brain I did know that answer. I just didn't want to admit to it. I left that doctors office in deep thought and decided, OK I'm not putting another cigarette back into my mouth. To follow is what happened to me after I made this decision.
1) I quit "cold turkey" as its called.
2) I immediately show signs of withdrawals from the nicotine.
3) I start to become EMOTIONAL as I have in the past. Crying all the time.
4) I start to gain weight at a rapid pace.
5) Depression sets in, fatigue. I have NO energy.
6) After a month, my lungs feel great but my body feels like crap.
7) Two months, I don't have any cough or wheezing to speak of and don't need my inhaler. I can't get up out of bed without feeling like my bones are breaking. My mind is toast. I can't think straight and I cry all the time and I start to notice everyone is out to get me. I take everything to heart and become very sensitive to emotions, light, hearing, smelling. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have restless leg syndrome keeping me up and my nerves are shot. I hold my breath from anxiety. My muscles tense up and cause horrible back pain. I have severe twitching and think that I have MS. I can't sleep, breathe right, my blood pressure is out of whack, I can't work, I can't function, everyone wants to know whats wrong with me. I feel lost, alone. I felt like I was worth nothing. I was fighting with my family and wondered why everyone was picking on me and just left me here in this place of doom.
All of this continued until a friend of mine asked me to come 2 hours a way and see her doctor. So I did. This doctor was an endocrinologist. He ran some blood test on me. First, they checked my sugar and my cholesterol levels. My sugar was fine but my cholesterol was off the charts. They tell me that this could be a sign of thyroid issues. But, my thyroid has always checked out normal when my doctor has measured it. Turns out, your primary only checks your TSH levels and does not normally do a full thyroid panel. This is where it gets a little bit complicated so please read carefully.
Your TSH level is checked to see if your thyroid is functioning. Mine was in normal range. But to look to see if your thyroid HORMONE LEVEL is normal, you must read a full panel which includes your T3 and T4 hormones. Your T3 hormone is your ENERGY hormone. If this number is low then your endocrine system is not functioning as a whole properly. It could be your adrenal gland, your pituitary gland or it could be that you have removed something from your metabolic system that helps convert your T4 into your T3 energy hormone. This is what happened to me. My T3 was low BUT still in primary doctor normal range. This T3 level was 113. An endocrinologist treats any T3 level under 150 as hypothyroidism. Are you following me on this? The endo's, primaries, labs the entire medical industry does not have a definitive measure or reading if you will on this subject. They do not agree with one another's findings. I am not here to devise a new measure for your thyroid nor am I qualified to do so. But what I will tell you is this...Once I started taking the thyroid hormone replacement (Synthroid) my symptoms started to diminish. I can now scratch off most of the symptoms above, but sadly not all of them.
TO SUM THIS UP.
After smoking for some years the nicotine becomes part of your metabolic makeup. Your body starts to use the nicotine to help the metabolic process. So where nicotine helps is in the converting of your T4 into your T3. OUCH! Ok, so now we have a reason for the weight gain and feeling fatigued. What about the emotional side of it? Sadly, I don't have an answer to that. My hormones checked out normal. So the crying has not stopped until Christmas Day. I got a pack of cigarettes because I was entirely too emotional and stressed. I stopped crying. I made it 4 months without smoking but I didn't feel myself again until I started smoking again. I HATE SMOKING!
HOW TO STOP SMOKING..
1) If you quit cold turkey, continue taking nicotine replacements and then taper off slowly. (I wish I would have done this so that my metabolism wouldn't have taken such a blow.)
2) You might possibly need an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication to help.
3) A month or so after you quit, have a full thyroid panel done to check your levels. This will save you from battling the weight gain like I did.
4) Buddy up with your partner and do it together. I quit but my man continued and this was torture to say the least.
5) Don't set yourself up for failure on this. I WILL succeed on this just not in the way I thought. Will power IS the decision to stop. Remember, it is a habit.
6) COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY. We have to retrain our way of thinking. I associate smoking with RELAXING. This is BAD. Cause when you remove that without any therapy, how are you to learn a new way to relax.
LASTLY - Good luck to all of you and if you figure HOW TO STOP THE CRYING, please send me an email.
TOGETHER ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
What does "Merry Christmas" mean anyway?
I know this is going to be a touchy subject for many people. But this is my blog and my opinion only. I'm sure I will get many replies saying it means joyful day of Christ's birth. And then some will correct that and say, well it is the day we celebrate his birthday on the 25th but he wasn't actually born on this day. Some will say merry means happy so be happy its Christmas. And then there are some like me who will google it and you will find the following:
Used to express good wishes at Christmas time
Holiday greetings are a selection of greetings that are often spoken with good intentions to strangers, family, or friends, in nations around the world, during the months of December and January.
So I think its safe to say its intended to mean good wishes and good intentions to others. These words are used as a greeting to others and have been used for many years which in turn makes it a tradition.
Now, the English language and the USA recognises Christmas as a holiday.
Christmas or Christmas Day is a holiday observed generally on December 25 to commemorate the birth of Jesus, the central figure of Christianity.
Most companies also recognise this day as a holiday and will usually pay a person holiday pay.
So, why is it that so many people get upset when you say happy holidays? Because after all "happy holidays" has also been a tradition or greeting if you will for many years. Do you really think that people don't want to say Christmas because of Christ?
Well, my opinion is this:
I think there are some who probably choose not to celebrate Christmas because they don't want to recognise Christ. But I will not waste my time and energy on people who believe that mainly because I do not share that same belief. What I do want to say is I think we have given these people too much notice or attention to this very fact. When we immediately jump on somebody for not using the greeting you want them to use, then what is the whole point of the greeting anyway?
I use both greetings. If I am talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year celebration as a whole, I say holidays. If I am talking about Christmas, I say Christmas. Just because I say holiday does not mean I am taking Christ out of Christmas. Both terms and greetings are used during this time of year so I really don't see the issue here. I felt I was attacked by several people when using the holiday greeting this year. Why must we behave in this manner? What happened to freedom of speech anyway? Hey, I'm a talkative person, so if there is ever a question about anything I say to you then just ask. But be ready for a lengthy reply. It is just who I am.
Some of us are old school people on here and I understand I might be one of them. But think about this logically for a minute. If you are using any one of these greetings, then you should say it with its intended meaning. Now we are back to good intentions and good wishes. How do you do this? Well...
First you must feel the joy in your heart. Joy meaning really feel happy and want to share it with others. Second, you approach in a way that is considered approachable by others. Third, check your tone of voice as it should have some uplifting tone to it. Lastly if you are wishing good intention greetings on someone then you should actually feel it and mean it! I mean come on really, some of you speak the words only because that is what you think people want to hear. But that works both ways too. I have had some people ask me how I am doing then when I proceed to tell them, they just walk off. It is just how society has become. But society as a whole, needs to make a change. PEOPLE MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. I'm sure the old saying, "if you can't say something nice, then just don't say anything" wouldn't work anymore in these times. However, maybe this one would: AND IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, THEN SEND AN EMAIL OR TEXT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. Yeah I like the sound of that one. Especially with that fabulous block feature we have on multimedia gadgets.
THE SUM OF WHY I WOULD WRITE ABOUT THIS ANYWAY IS:
This year has been a rough year for me and my family. I'll admit that due to my health issues I listened too carefully to what others were saying and how they were acting this year. And it was really hard for me to see any REAL people that were happy. And what I mean by real is look around, there is a lot of SUPERFICIAL happiness going around. It's not real people. FAKE you may call it. I mean, I believe in true happiness and I believe it comes within. But we are struggling to keep up with the fast pace so what you end up seeing isn't the real deal at all. It's the fakeness just to shut you up so they can be about their merry way. Listen, shopping was horrifying. Most people shop while talking on their cell phones. They run into you with their baskets. They pretend you are not even there. Steal your spot in line. Sigh at you and roll their eyes. I won't even mention the driving out there. All you have to do is look at people while they are driving. Most are NOT smiling I can tell you that much. Scowl looks, holding their cell phones, honking their horns and basically driving in their own worlds, not our world together. If you ask a person in a store for customer service you are inconveniencing them to say the least. You will most likely get a scowl look and the gracious words of "WHAT?" Not yes ma'am can I help you? What happened to those greetings in customer service? What year did all of this just cease to exist anyway? Are their really any happy people left? I see a lot of people making judgements on others and making a point to try to be right about everything. And if you disagree with them, then your ditched by them. There is no such thing as unconditional love anymore. Everything moves so fast that there is no time for second chances. We don't even have time for kids to learn anymore. They are forced to learn the first time around on everything or they are considered A.D.D. There is no patience for anyone anymore. The disabled are an inconvenience because they can't move fast enough. We can't seem to slow down to mourn the death of a loved one. What happened to all the listeners? Who is left to call on anymore? Everyone is too busy and their schedules are overwhelmed. No more shoulders to cry on because if you are not on a happy pill then most don't want you around, your considered negative when you are sad. We have become a world of numbness and stupidness(new word not in dictionary). We prefer to watch ignorance on television. The things that are funny to us today are actually what is poisoning our lives. The fact that we took "freedom" and turned it into "free from morals" is disgusting to me. We have commercialized everything about us, including Christmas. I can't tell you how many times I said Merry Christmas and got back nothing. There is a lot of people who will say it back but their tone of voice is off. So they felt like they had to say it. Why do we do this? Whats wrong with us?
Anyway, just a pondering thought I felt the need to express. I encourage each and everyone of you to set down and take some time and use that brain you have to really think about what change you need to make this year. Remember if you want to see change in the world, you have to be that change. There are not many leaders left, just sheep. So, you can make a stand for the better good starting in 2011. I know I would sure like to see it and I plan to make a change myself. Folks, we are all guilty to some of this and you know it. Lets do something about it. Heres what we need to do:
Bring customer service back; Friends to actually be a friend again; Bring "I'm sorry" back in your vocabulary; Tell your kids you love them and ask what you can do for them; Re prioritise your priorities; Stop using that cell phone while you are tasking a car or shopping basket or talking to a person thats standing in front of you; Take time out to make supper for your family; Allow all emotions but show a little less of your anger; Help those in need of your help; LISTEN to others; support your family (and support means be there for them, listen, cry with them, laugh with them)allow people to speak freely then voice your opinion when asked; stop saying you don't want to be in the middle and jump right in if you can fix something; be stronger; enjoy Gods daily gifts; be able to see your gifts and actually say thank you and I could go on and on but most of all...be happy and remember you don't have to be right. We are only human and we will make mistakes. There is no need to judge me for if you are doing what your supposed to be doing in this life, then there is no time to judge...only love others....cause love is all anyway. HAPPY NEW YEAR
Used to express good wishes at Christmas time
Holiday greetings are a selection of greetings that are often spoken with good intentions to strangers, family, or friends, in nations around the world, during the months of December and January.
So I think its safe to say its intended to mean good wishes and good intentions to others. These words are used as a greeting to others and have been used for many years which in turn makes it a tradition.
Now, the English language and the USA recognises Christmas as a holiday.
Christmas or Christmas Day is a holiday observed generally on December 25 to commemorate the birth of Jesus, the central figure of Christianity.
Most companies also recognise this day as a holiday and will usually pay a person holiday pay.
So, why is it that so many people get upset when you say happy holidays? Because after all "happy holidays" has also been a tradition or greeting if you will for many years. Do you really think that people don't want to say Christmas because of Christ?
Well, my opinion is this:
I think there are some who probably choose not to celebrate Christmas because they don't want to recognise Christ. But I will not waste my time and energy on people who believe that mainly because I do not share that same belief. What I do want to say is I think we have given these people too much notice or attention to this very fact. When we immediately jump on somebody for not using the greeting you want them to use, then what is the whole point of the greeting anyway?
I use both greetings. If I am talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year celebration as a whole, I say holidays. If I am talking about Christmas, I say Christmas. Just because I say holiday does not mean I am taking Christ out of Christmas. Both terms and greetings are used during this time of year so I really don't see the issue here. I felt I was attacked by several people when using the holiday greeting this year. Why must we behave in this manner? What happened to freedom of speech anyway? Hey, I'm a talkative person, so if there is ever a question about anything I say to you then just ask. But be ready for a lengthy reply. It is just who I am.
Some of us are old school people on here and I understand I might be one of them. But think about this logically for a minute. If you are using any one of these greetings, then you should say it with its intended meaning. Now we are back to good intentions and good wishes. How do you do this? Well...
First you must feel the joy in your heart. Joy meaning really feel happy and want to share it with others. Second, you approach in a way that is considered approachable by others. Third, check your tone of voice as it should have some uplifting tone to it. Lastly if you are wishing good intention greetings on someone then you should actually feel it and mean it! I mean come on really, some of you speak the words only because that is what you think people want to hear. But that works both ways too. I have had some people ask me how I am doing then when I proceed to tell them, they just walk off. It is just how society has become. But society as a whole, needs to make a change. PEOPLE MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. I'm sure the old saying, "if you can't say something nice, then just don't say anything" wouldn't work anymore in these times. However, maybe this one would: AND IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, THEN SEND AN EMAIL OR TEXT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. Yeah I like the sound of that one. Especially with that fabulous block feature we have on multimedia gadgets.
THE SUM OF WHY I WOULD WRITE ABOUT THIS ANYWAY IS:
This year has been a rough year for me and my family. I'll admit that due to my health issues I listened too carefully to what others were saying and how they were acting this year. And it was really hard for me to see any REAL people that were happy. And what I mean by real is look around, there is a lot of SUPERFICIAL happiness going around. It's not real people. FAKE you may call it. I mean, I believe in true happiness and I believe it comes within. But we are struggling to keep up with the fast pace so what you end up seeing isn't the real deal at all. It's the fakeness just to shut you up so they can be about their merry way. Listen, shopping was horrifying. Most people shop while talking on their cell phones. They run into you with their baskets. They pretend you are not even there. Steal your spot in line. Sigh at you and roll their eyes. I won't even mention the driving out there. All you have to do is look at people while they are driving. Most are NOT smiling I can tell you that much. Scowl looks, holding their cell phones, honking their horns and basically driving in their own worlds, not our world together. If you ask a person in a store for customer service you are inconveniencing them to say the least. You will most likely get a scowl look and the gracious words of "WHAT?" Not yes ma'am can I help you? What happened to those greetings in customer service? What year did all of this just cease to exist anyway? Are their really any happy people left? I see a lot of people making judgements on others and making a point to try to be right about everything. And if you disagree with them, then your ditched by them. There is no such thing as unconditional love anymore. Everything moves so fast that there is no time for second chances. We don't even have time for kids to learn anymore. They are forced to learn the first time around on everything or they are considered A.D.D. There is no patience for anyone anymore. The disabled are an inconvenience because they can't move fast enough. We can't seem to slow down to mourn the death of a loved one. What happened to all the listeners? Who is left to call on anymore? Everyone is too busy and their schedules are overwhelmed. No more shoulders to cry on because if you are not on a happy pill then most don't want you around, your considered negative when you are sad. We have become a world of numbness and stupidness(new word not in dictionary). We prefer to watch ignorance on television. The things that are funny to us today are actually what is poisoning our lives. The fact that we took "freedom" and turned it into "free from morals" is disgusting to me. We have commercialized everything about us, including Christmas. I can't tell you how many times I said Merry Christmas and got back nothing. There is a lot of people who will say it back but their tone of voice is off. So they felt like they had to say it. Why do we do this? Whats wrong with us?
Anyway, just a pondering thought I felt the need to express. I encourage each and everyone of you to set down and take some time and use that brain you have to really think about what change you need to make this year. Remember if you want to see change in the world, you have to be that change. There are not many leaders left, just sheep. So, you can make a stand for the better good starting in 2011. I know I would sure like to see it and I plan to make a change myself. Folks, we are all guilty to some of this and you know it. Lets do something about it. Heres what we need to do:
Bring customer service back; Friends to actually be a friend again; Bring "I'm sorry" back in your vocabulary; Tell your kids you love them and ask what you can do for them; Re prioritise your priorities; Stop using that cell phone while you are tasking a car or shopping basket or talking to a person thats standing in front of you; Take time out to make supper for your family; Allow all emotions but show a little less of your anger; Help those in need of your help; LISTEN to others; support your family (and support means be there for them, listen, cry with them, laugh with them)allow people to speak freely then voice your opinion when asked; stop saying you don't want to be in the middle and jump right in if you can fix something; be stronger; enjoy Gods daily gifts; be able to see your gifts and actually say thank you and I could go on and on but most of all...be happy and remember you don't have to be right. We are only human and we will make mistakes. There is no need to judge me for if you are doing what your supposed to be doing in this life, then there is no time to judge...only love others....cause love is all anyway. HAPPY NEW YEAR
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Infamous Cinnamon Roll "So & So"
Tis the season to be jolly, happy, and apparently crazed insane cinnamon roll theif maniac too. Yes you heard me correctly. I know what your thinking; come on now Michelle, its just a cinnamon roll. No, no its not! Its an IKEA Cinnamon Roll jack! Let me elaborate on this one.
My kids and I decided to go Christmas shopping on a Sunday afternoon about two weeks ago. We were shopping for Jim so he had to stay at home. Kyle and I had already decided to get a new home office for Jim for Christmas. So, we ventured 45 miles away to Ikea. I absolutely love that place! And they have the best cinnamon rolls in the state and only for a buck. I think their hot dogs and a cola are a buck and a half. Cheap and delicious man. My mouth was watering thinking about this cinnamon roll. The last time I had one, I enjoyed it so much and felt so relaxed. Well, anyway, you get the idea. I had something to look forward to. An Ikea cinnamon roll!
We had to make a quick stop at the outlet mall first. And I remember telling the kids, ok we need to hurry because I want to make sure I get a cinnamon roll at Ikea and I don't remember what time they close today. So, with that said and the cinnamon roll much on my mind, we go to Pac Sun to see all their NOT such great deals. As we were passing the customers that were filled with NOT so much joy or jollyness; we find an isle that has some mark downs that struck our interest. As Kara and I were looking through the pieces, two girls came up behind us and said, "excuse me". We got out of their way, well we were going to let them by being the nice jolly people we are. When all of a sudden to our dismay, they took our spot. Really? Come on now! Excuse me used to be a nice way of saying, MOVE! Now, it must mean, MOVE, I want your spot! My question to you is, whats wrong with people these days? More on that question at the end of my story.
So, we pack up and leave the outlet mall for our quick trip across the street to Ikea. As we get out of the truck I turn to the kids and say, "Ya I get my cinnamon roll"! We walk up to the door and I look inside and YES the little restaurant thingy is open. For those of you that have never been to Ikea, there is an entrance and an exit. The little restaurant thingy is at the exit and then there is a big restaurant in the middle of the store. The cinnamon rolls are at the exit. So, with that said; I stopped at the exit and turned to the kids and said, "maybe I should just go get the cinnamon roll now". They just looked at me and said nothing. So, I said, nevermind I will get it when we check out because I don't want to have sticky hands while we shop. So we proceed to do our shopping. The clerk right inside the door said, "we will be closing an hour early due to our Christmas party today". Ouch that only gives us about 45 minutes to shop. So we had to boogy it up a bit. We got all the office stuff and headed to the checkout. As we were waiting in line for checkout, I walk up to take a peak at the cinnamon rolls. My mouth is watering big time now! "I see them", I said. We pay the cashier and I tell the kids Im headed for the rolls. For those of you who don't know about this place, you start to the right, grap all the stuff you want as you move to the left then pay the cashier. When I got up there, a guy was at the cashier paying for a coke and a hot dog. I step up in front of those delicious looking cinnamon rolls picking out which one I was going to devour. I fount it! Oh my goodness, it had so much icing and cinnamon in the middle (you know the kind). I turn and look at the kids with a sparkle in my eye. I said, Oh my goodness, this was so worth the wait! Look at these guys, they look so delicious!
As I grab my cinnamon roll plate, the hotdog coke guy standing at the counter says something to the cashier. The cashier turned to me and said, "put down the cinnamon roll maam, this man just bought all of them". WHAT? I said, "are you kidding me?" He said, "no, he just paid for all of them". There was more than a dozen there. I said, "I just want one of them, thats all just one." He said, "we are all out!" So I said, "would it make a difference if I told you that I have waited for this cinnamon roll all day long and drove 45 miles to get it?" The So & So guy paying was such a coward he would not even look my way. I think he even put his hand up to cover his peripheral vision from me. Talk about being crushed to the ground, floor, concrete, whatever you want to call it. I was horrified! My obsession had ended with a coward so & so who obviously was listening to me gaunt and gaze over the enjoyment that little cinnamon delight was gonna give me and decided it would be HIM not ME that would have that enjoyment. He saw the opportunity to mess my day up so he took it. Now, back to my question above. Whats wrong with people now days? Let me tell you what I think it is.
I think people today are moving so fast, too fast, living in their own selfish worlds, only caring what they want, what they can get...that everyone else to them is an inconvenience. And to top that off, people have forgotten how to care. Yes, care is not even in the dictionary anymore. I bet that so & so took those cinnamon rolls home and they set on his counter and were not all eaten. He just didnt want me to have an opportunity to have one. It made him feel more deserving and more special I guess. (ok how many of you went to the dictionary to see if care was in it) He was just plane RUDE, ARROGANT, SELFISH and I think he is a "So & So".
I have devised a plan of attack. From now on I will carry my camera with me. And for every so & so that pulls a stunt like this, I am going to walk up to them and simply take their picture. Then, I am going to devise a webpage strictly for these ..*&%!@ so & so's. It will be called So & So Beware! So, you evil doers better start being nice or you just might end up on a So & So webpage with your FACE all over it!
The moral to this story is, first have morals. Second, bring care back into your vocab. Third, I've been seeing Karma come back around to people lately, trust me its real.
As for me well, I shall get that cinnamon roll this week before I start my no sugar way of life in 2011. So, if you would like to travel with me, join me, then let me know. This could be an interesting trip to Ikea this time, camera and all. (wink) Love is all people, so smile a little and get off those cell phones and DON'T be stealing cinnamon rolls from me.
My kids and I decided to go Christmas shopping on a Sunday afternoon about two weeks ago. We were shopping for Jim so he had to stay at home. Kyle and I had already decided to get a new home office for Jim for Christmas. So, we ventured 45 miles away to Ikea. I absolutely love that place! And they have the best cinnamon rolls in the state and only for a buck. I think their hot dogs and a cola are a buck and a half. Cheap and delicious man. My mouth was watering thinking about this cinnamon roll. The last time I had one, I enjoyed it so much and felt so relaxed. Well, anyway, you get the idea. I had something to look forward to. An Ikea cinnamon roll!
We had to make a quick stop at the outlet mall first. And I remember telling the kids, ok we need to hurry because I want to make sure I get a cinnamon roll at Ikea and I don't remember what time they close today. So, with that said and the cinnamon roll much on my mind, we go to Pac Sun to see all their NOT such great deals. As we were passing the customers that were filled with NOT so much joy or jollyness; we find an isle that has some mark downs that struck our interest. As Kara and I were looking through the pieces, two girls came up behind us and said, "excuse me". We got out of their way, well we were going to let them by being the nice jolly people we are. When all of a sudden to our dismay, they took our spot. Really? Come on now! Excuse me used to be a nice way of saying, MOVE! Now, it must mean, MOVE, I want your spot! My question to you is, whats wrong with people these days? More on that question at the end of my story.
So, we pack up and leave the outlet mall for our quick trip across the street to Ikea. As we get out of the truck I turn to the kids and say, "Ya I get my cinnamon roll"! We walk up to the door and I look inside and YES the little restaurant thingy is open. For those of you that have never been to Ikea, there is an entrance and an exit. The little restaurant thingy is at the exit and then there is a big restaurant in the middle of the store. The cinnamon rolls are at the exit. So, with that said; I stopped at the exit and turned to the kids and said, "maybe I should just go get the cinnamon roll now". They just looked at me and said nothing. So, I said, nevermind I will get it when we check out because I don't want to have sticky hands while we shop. So we proceed to do our shopping. The clerk right inside the door said, "we will be closing an hour early due to our Christmas party today". Ouch that only gives us about 45 minutes to shop. So we had to boogy it up a bit. We got all the office stuff and headed to the checkout. As we were waiting in line for checkout, I walk up to take a peak at the cinnamon rolls. My mouth is watering big time now! "I see them", I said. We pay the cashier and I tell the kids Im headed for the rolls. For those of you who don't know about this place, you start to the right, grap all the stuff you want as you move to the left then pay the cashier. When I got up there, a guy was at the cashier paying for a coke and a hot dog. I step up in front of those delicious looking cinnamon rolls picking out which one I was going to devour. I fount it! Oh my goodness, it had so much icing and cinnamon in the middle (you know the kind). I turn and look at the kids with a sparkle in my eye. I said, Oh my goodness, this was so worth the wait! Look at these guys, they look so delicious!
As I grab my cinnamon roll plate, the hotdog coke guy standing at the counter says something to the cashier. The cashier turned to me and said, "put down the cinnamon roll maam, this man just bought all of them". WHAT? I said, "are you kidding me?" He said, "no, he just paid for all of them". There was more than a dozen there. I said, "I just want one of them, thats all just one." He said, "we are all out!" So I said, "would it make a difference if I told you that I have waited for this cinnamon roll all day long and drove 45 miles to get it?" The So & So guy paying was such a coward he would not even look my way. I think he even put his hand up to cover his peripheral vision from me. Talk about being crushed to the ground, floor, concrete, whatever you want to call it. I was horrified! My obsession had ended with a coward so & so who obviously was listening to me gaunt and gaze over the enjoyment that little cinnamon delight was gonna give me and decided it would be HIM not ME that would have that enjoyment. He saw the opportunity to mess my day up so he took it. Now, back to my question above. Whats wrong with people now days? Let me tell you what I think it is.
I think people today are moving so fast, too fast, living in their own selfish worlds, only caring what they want, what they can get...that everyone else to them is an inconvenience. And to top that off, people have forgotten how to care. Yes, care is not even in the dictionary anymore. I bet that so & so took those cinnamon rolls home and they set on his counter and were not all eaten. He just didnt want me to have an opportunity to have one. It made him feel more deserving and more special I guess. (ok how many of you went to the dictionary to see if care was in it) He was just plane RUDE, ARROGANT, SELFISH and I think he is a "So & So".
I have devised a plan of attack. From now on I will carry my camera with me. And for every so & so that pulls a stunt like this, I am going to walk up to them and simply take their picture. Then, I am going to devise a webpage strictly for these ..*&%!@ so & so's. It will be called So & So Beware! So, you evil doers better start being nice or you just might end up on a So & So webpage with your FACE all over it!
The moral to this story is, first have morals. Second, bring care back into your vocab. Third, I've been seeing Karma come back around to people lately, trust me its real.
As for me well, I shall get that cinnamon roll this week before I start my no sugar way of life in 2011. So, if you would like to travel with me, join me, then let me know. This could be an interesting trip to Ikea this time, camera and all. (wink) Love is all people, so smile a little and get off those cell phones and DON'T be stealing cinnamon rolls from me.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Creative Writing When You Are Sad and Upset
This is my first blog to write and I have to say I had a little bit of writers block. Not a good sign for someone who is preparing to write a couple of books. Oh well like they say, if not anything else writing is great therapy. So bear with me while I do my best to keep you entertained and myself a little less on the crazy side.
I am what I consider to be middle aged. That is largely being optimistic on my part. I have had my ups and downs and will soon be writing about a lot of that. But for the purposes of this first blog, I wanted a place to put my quotes I write when I am sad and upset. If there is one thing I hate, its being depressed and sad. But it seems that it is winning the majority of my emotions lately. Refer back to the first sentence of being middle aged, (clear throat).
My mind is constantly running at a fast pace or record speed. And sometimes it runs in circles. But for some reason, when I am sad and upset, I can spit out some writings that make perfect sense at the time and just seem amazing to me. I will let you be the judge of that one.
First, you have to know why I was upset and brought myself to this type of writing. My love has a brain injury. And even though he has great logic and is extremely intellegent, there are times that I mess up and say things that he just goes overboard on. And when this happens there is no calming him down for hours and sometimes days. Also, he has issues with my relationship with my son. There are reasons I am the way I am as there are reasons I do the things I do. Some things may not seem right and in fact, they might not be right. Some may consider them to be "spoiling the child". This misunderstanding we had was over my son asking for a computer as a gift for Christmas. And as I mentioned it to my love, after he just bought him a car that is still sitting in the driveway, well lets just say he lost it in the first thinking that "now he wants a computer too"? At this moment, my overwhelming feeling of doom and despair came over my body. All I wanted to do at that moment was take the darn comment back and wished I had never mentioned anything. I got scared and immediatley responded with, "I was gonna pay for it with my money". Oh my goodness, lets just really drive your body into the quicksand of blurting things out of your mouth that make no sense at all and try to back pedal a bit. Well, it didn't work because the way his mind works now with an injury is take that and run with it, bringing in all past feelings that weren't mentioned before that he disagrees with. Now, I am not blogging to "fight for I'm right". Because I should not have said a word about it. I am just wanting a place to put these darn quotes I wrote during my crying my eyes out phase. So here it goes.
Do not take "forgive me I'm sorry" for granted; for one day she might be rendered silent.
If anger is defined as the response to threat or harm; then I should ask, what are you so afraid of?
Your toplofty approach brings many hours of silence and a depressive atmosphere. Was this what you were hoping for?
When approaching someone with a concern or disagreement, don't forget to bring a resolution with you.
Anger is handled by adults through discussion, teenager through silence and resentment and a child through attitude and arrogance. How are you handling yours?
Its sad when unconditional love is misinterpreted as spoiling the child.
The lack thereof from one parent can create much guilt for the other parent.
Gaining legacy through relationships is priceless!
Actions speak louder than words; silence creates much fear, thus words should never go without saying.
(see below for explanation of this quote)
Sometimes when a woman says, "please talk to me", she just needs your arms around her holding her tight with no words at all.
When you are mad and ignore and turn away from your woman without answering or saying a word, she dies a little on the inside from fear of unknown.
Fear creates anxiety which creates unrational thinking which brings me back to "it should never go without saying"
After you make your point and I make my apology, now is the time to return to OUR world and leave YOUR world behind. You gain no brownie points by continuing to be mad. But you end up damaging my spirit, and what will happen if it finally brakes?
And last one for this blog is...
You can't scare others into listening, understanding and respect. But you gain respect by listening, understanding and respecting others.
Its so funny how your mind works when you feel a bit down. But now you can understand why I titled my blog page "The Philosophical Mind of Me". I really do try to fix things. My mind works in a way to try to solve issues or if I can't fix it, then find some underlying meaning to all of it. Its just me I guess. I know there are some things my love would like to change about me. But for the most part I believe some of these things he gets angry with me about are the same things that made him fall in love with me. At the end of the day, love is all anyway. I love him and strangely enough, he loves me. We both try to do good, we are happy within and even with some differences still to work through I can proudly say, I am a blessed woman.
I am what I consider to be middle aged. That is largely being optimistic on my part. I have had my ups and downs and will soon be writing about a lot of that. But for the purposes of this first blog, I wanted a place to put my quotes I write when I am sad and upset. If there is one thing I hate, its being depressed and sad. But it seems that it is winning the majority of my emotions lately. Refer back to the first sentence of being middle aged, (clear throat).
My mind is constantly running at a fast pace or record speed. And sometimes it runs in circles. But for some reason, when I am sad and upset, I can spit out some writings that make perfect sense at the time and just seem amazing to me. I will let you be the judge of that one.
First, you have to know why I was upset and brought myself to this type of writing. My love has a brain injury. And even though he has great logic and is extremely intellegent, there are times that I mess up and say things that he just goes overboard on. And when this happens there is no calming him down for hours and sometimes days. Also, he has issues with my relationship with my son. There are reasons I am the way I am as there are reasons I do the things I do. Some things may not seem right and in fact, they might not be right. Some may consider them to be "spoiling the child". This misunderstanding we had was over my son asking for a computer as a gift for Christmas. And as I mentioned it to my love, after he just bought him a car that is still sitting in the driveway, well lets just say he lost it in the first thinking that "now he wants a computer too"? At this moment, my overwhelming feeling of doom and despair came over my body. All I wanted to do at that moment was take the darn comment back and wished I had never mentioned anything. I got scared and immediatley responded with, "I was gonna pay for it with my money". Oh my goodness, lets just really drive your body into the quicksand of blurting things out of your mouth that make no sense at all and try to back pedal a bit. Well, it didn't work because the way his mind works now with an injury is take that and run with it, bringing in all past feelings that weren't mentioned before that he disagrees with. Now, I am not blogging to "fight for I'm right". Because I should not have said a word about it. I am just wanting a place to put these darn quotes I wrote during my crying my eyes out phase. So here it goes.
Do not take "forgive me I'm sorry" for granted; for one day she might be rendered silent.
If anger is defined as the response to threat or harm; then I should ask, what are you so afraid of?
Your toplofty approach brings many hours of silence and a depressive atmosphere. Was this what you were hoping for?
When approaching someone with a concern or disagreement, don't forget to bring a resolution with you.
Anger is handled by adults through discussion, teenager through silence and resentment and a child through attitude and arrogance. How are you handling yours?
Its sad when unconditional love is misinterpreted as spoiling the child.
The lack thereof from one parent can create much guilt for the other parent.
Gaining legacy through relationships is priceless!
Actions speak louder than words; silence creates much fear, thus words should never go without saying.
(see below for explanation of this quote)
Sometimes when a woman says, "please talk to me", she just needs your arms around her holding her tight with no words at all.
When you are mad and ignore and turn away from your woman without answering or saying a word, she dies a little on the inside from fear of unknown.
Fear creates anxiety which creates unrational thinking which brings me back to "it should never go without saying"
After you make your point and I make my apology, now is the time to return to OUR world and leave YOUR world behind. You gain no brownie points by continuing to be mad. But you end up damaging my spirit, and what will happen if it finally brakes?
And last one for this blog is...
You can't scare others into listening, understanding and respect. But you gain respect by listening, understanding and respecting others.
Its so funny how your mind works when you feel a bit down. But now you can understand why I titled my blog page "The Philosophical Mind of Me". I really do try to fix things. My mind works in a way to try to solve issues or if I can't fix it, then find some underlying meaning to all of it. Its just me I guess. I know there are some things my love would like to change about me. But for the most part I believe some of these things he gets angry with me about are the same things that made him fall in love with me. At the end of the day, love is all anyway. I love him and strangely enough, he loves me. We both try to do good, we are happy within and even with some differences still to work through I can proudly say, I am a blessed woman.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)